Article by Tiffany Tibbs
When I was pregnant with my first child, I had no idea what to expect. I consulted a popular book called What to Expect When You're Expecting. Its expert advice helped me to know what to anticipate and how to prepare for the big event. In the same way, this article provides a list of things to expect when entertaining. And just like preparing for childbirth, when you are planning a party, there are always unexpected challenges (and delights) along the way.
Expect that your guests may not respond quickly (or at all) to your request for an RSVP.
This does not mean you are unpopular, no one is coming, or the invitation was the wrong color — it's just part of the process. Set a deadline for RSVPs two weeks before the party. After the deadline has come and gone, it is perfectly appropriate to call those who haven't responded. You will need a final count for your party one week before the event. In addition, always plan that you will have at least two extra guests, and have enough food and seating for these unexpected arrivals.
Don't expect to be Superwoman.
There are few people in the world who can claim to be gourmet cooks, fastidious housekeepers, marvelous floral artists, expert bartenders, and social planners — all at once. Choose how you want to spend your time and talents, then leave the rest to professionals. If you truly love to cook, then enjoy selecting the menu and testing new recipes. But if this is not your strength, recognize your options and call in the caterers. Or use prepared dishes and party items found at your local grocery store or specialty food shop. Purchase a lovely dessert and gorgeous appetizers, transfer to your best china, and call it your own. Or if decorating is your passion, enjoy choosing the colors, theme, and flowers for the party. But if you are aesthetically-challenged, call a floral artist who can help to develop a theme and make your party radiant with flowers and other decorations.
Expect to plan a well-balanced menu.
If you are planning an intimate gathering with friends, you will know what they like to eat. But if you are planning a larger gathering, you will need to provide a wide range of foods to accommodate different tastes and dietary preferences. Make certain you have options for vegetarian guests. Be aware that many people have food allergies — nuts, dairy, and wheat are common. Fresh fruit, vegetable trays, grain side dishes, and pastas help to round out any menu.
Don't expect to clean, cook, and decorate at the last minute.
The key to a successful party is planning ahead. Begin well ahead by getting your guest list, invitations, theme, decorations, and menu arranged. Recognize that the house will get dirty during the party and take that into account when expending effort. You may want to focus your efforts on cleaning the most important places (bathrooms, front hallway, kitchen), but spend less time on the floors. Consider getting a cleaning service, so that you can focus on the food preparation or decorating. Two days before the party, set up tables and get out the dishes. One day before the party, do some of the decorating and cook or prepare as many menu items as possible. The day of the party you will need to start early to do some touch-up cleaning and make the remaining food. Bottom line — don't leave everything until the day of the party.
Expect to spend money.
Before you start, set your budget. Decide what items are worth the splurge - a decadent dessert? Beautiful centerpieces? A catered meal? What items could you do in a less expensive way or by using your own talents - Invitations? Decorations? Appetizers? Use common items in unusual ways to decorate your home. For example, pick daisies from your garden and intersperse them with lemons and limes in a variety of bowls throughout the room. Or use potted plants as centerpieces that can be planted or given to guests afterwards.
Expect that co-hosting a party means compromise - and camaraderie.
You may be thrilled about hosting the upcoming baby shower with your three best friends but recognize early during the planning process the importance of defining responsibilities. Divide tasks by people's interests and talents. Determine the budget before you start. Let everyone contribute, and remain flexible. Remember, it's hard to get four people (even best friends) to agree about much of anything!
Expect that you will forget something.
Sometimes what you forget is no big deal, like a tray of appetizers in the fridge. Sometimes it is more important, like the time you needed to take the roast out of the oven. Why risk it? Make a detailed game plan in advance when things are calm and quiet. List all of the tasks in order including the tentative start times and end times for your menu items so that your meal is ready all at once. Don't be tempted to skip this somewhat tedious step — the detailed checklist can be the most important element for smooth party execution.
Expect that everyone will gather in the kitchen.
It never fails; people always gather in the kitchen. To counteract this tendency, set up the environment for mingling in other rooms of your house. Put the bar in one area, and set out appetizers in opposite corners of the living room to promote guests moving around the room. Set up the buffet so that people can quickly and easily fill their plates. Create an inviting atmosphere for socializing. Set out interesting decorations that can be conversation pieces. For example, if you are hosting an engagement or anniversary party, prepare displays with photos of the guests of honor throughout their lives.
Expect that you will be busy during the party (at best), and you may look frazzled (or worse)!
In addition to having your detailed game plan, simple things can reduce your stress and increase the enjoyment of your own party. Hire someone to serve at the party so that you can more easily socialize. A professional server can take the load off you by keeping food and drinks replenished. If you have pets, arrange for them to be out of the way, either in another area of the house or off site. Arrange for childcare if needed. Finally, take a deep breath. Or better yet, have a drink (but just one!)
Expect the unexpected - it is likely something will go awry.
Whether it is torrential rain that threatens an outdoor party, the leaky plumbing that floods the first floor bathroom, or the small kitchen fire that requires extinguishing — something will surprise you. Always have a backup plan and a sense of humor. Sometimes the funniest and most memorable stories come from these near-disasters! Hosting a successful party does not mean everything has to be perfect. In fact, as long as your guests have their basic party needs met, what they will remember is the fun and fellowship. So make sure the food is warm, there is plenty of ice, and your bar is well-stocked.
Expect to socialize and enjoy yourself!
Once the party starts, try to stop worrying about what didn't get done, and just enjoy! Your guests want to talk to you, so try to greet each one individually and circulate throughout the evening. Since you will be busy, make sure socializing among guests doesn't depend upon your charm and witty conversation. Invite people that you know are friendly with one another. Be sure each guest has at least one or two social contacts there. Use decorative place cards on the tables to ensure a good mix of people and lively dinner conversation. Depending on the occasion for the party and the age of your guests, plan appropriate games and activities.
In many ways, having a party is like having a baby. You plan for a long time. You never know exactly who is coming. You always wish you had more time to prepare. You may forget a few things, something unexpected may happen, and you may in fact be a little frazzled. But with a good plan, a little help from others, some deep breathing, and a sense of humor, you will get through and even enjoy your big day. And others will too!
Special thanks to the friends and family members who shared their experiences, and particularly Sandra Meyer from Petals Galore who shared her invaluable professional advice.
